I am puke
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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