So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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