Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
