I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
how drunk are you?
Several
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
