Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
