So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Blood and glitter go together right?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
