what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
