I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
