Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
