She's JV to your varsity
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
