Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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