bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
