he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im holly from the hills drunk
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We smell like vodka and hangover
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
