Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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