I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
