have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
