I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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