Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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