1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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