How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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