dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
