god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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