and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
