I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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