Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
