why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we're making bets on your personal life
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It was a blind-side dick pic.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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