I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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