Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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