i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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