operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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