he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
