high people should be assigned attendants
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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