I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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