This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
