Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
