Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
