yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
