There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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