so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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