She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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