'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
