I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
