69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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