I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize