Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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