I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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