I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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