Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
