What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
