What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
