They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.