I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed