RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
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He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
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All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit