Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
What happened to fro yo and sex?