Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
