i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog