then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
