its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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