Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
