your thong is hanging out like whoa
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
