I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
