Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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