Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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