I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We left the knife in your bed.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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