I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
whose parrot is this?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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