i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
