Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
