Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
