I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
