do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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