When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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