Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

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(734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" http://tfl.nu/wh5q

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(703): View more from Virginia

Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick

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(703): Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick http://tfl.nu/1qrd

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(501): View more from Arkansas

i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there

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(501): i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there http://tfl.nu/kuz7

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study

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(780): White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study http://tfl.nu/oth0

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(914): View more from New York

I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.

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(914): I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room. http://tfl.nu/ia7u

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.

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(814): you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving. http://tfl.nu/zfap

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(678): View more from Georgia

Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids

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(678): Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids http://tfl.nu/tr3o

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."

(423): View more from Tennessee

Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.

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(814): What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners." (423): Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A. (814): No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay. http://tfl.nu/o5wb

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(847): View more from Illinois

just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat

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(847): just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat http://tfl.nu/d5wq

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(513): View more from Ohio

im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.

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(513): im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped. http://tfl.nu/kvpg

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to

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(412): Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to http://tfl.nu/0y3x

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(760): View more from California

Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.

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(760): Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI. http://tfl.nu/53k1

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(410): View more from Maryland

I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk

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(410): I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk http://tfl.nu/te86

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(303): View more from Colorado

When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?

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(303): When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight? http://tfl.nu/mdtp

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(815): View more from Illinois

Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was

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(815): Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was http://tfl.nu/efhi

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