my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.