so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Sex in the backyard? Check.