Texts From Last Night

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  (573): View more from Missouri

  i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru

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  (573): i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru http://tfl.nu/xoee
  Replies (22) Good night (942) Bad night (3558)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.

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  (817): Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks. http://tfl.nu/ubnm
  Replies (17) Good night (576) Bad night (2674)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.

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  (504): I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna. http://tfl.nu/vetf
  Replies (42) Good night (2391) Bad night (7256)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to get rid of the hedgehog.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Does it come with a cage?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yes. and food and toys.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i'll trade you an 8th for it

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  deal.

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  (201): i have to get rid of the hedgehog. (765): Does it come with a cage? (201): yes. and food and toys. (765): i'll trade you an 8th for it (201): deal. http://tfl.nu/2d4g
  Replies (26) Good night (9910) Bad night (1273)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla

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  (201): dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla http://tfl.nu/0yq4
  Replies (13) Good night (4524) Bad night (1401)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.

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  (314): It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes. http://tfl.nu/zfb4
  Replies (10) Good night (4006) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.

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  (601): She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs. http://tfl.nu/rhuf
  Replies (9) Good night (3746) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.

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  (541): It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever. http://tfl.nu/ky4b
  Replies (6) Good night (1697) Bad night (775)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.

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  (608): On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke. http://tfl.nu/f19p
  Replies (18) Good night (3016) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place

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  (714): So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place http://tfl.nu/9hat
  Replies (5) Good night (716) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"

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  (412): We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird" http://tfl.nu/4bz0
  Replies (3) Good night (1013) Bad night (337)
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  (+35): View more from

  I have feelings that need drinking.

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  (+35): I have feelings that need drinking. http://tfl.nu/xiez
  Replies (2) Good night (777) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.

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  (914): Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in. http://tfl.nu/zv26
  Replies (2) Good night (497) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work

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  (763): you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work http://tfl.nu/lqsd
  Replies (1) Good night (722) Bad night (274)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you

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  (814): I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you http://tfl.nu/g34j
  Replies (1) Good night (834) Bad night (241)

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