Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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