I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
