Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
