he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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