if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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