In the future we'll all be gay
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
