he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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