That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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