he shaved USA in his pubs
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
