After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I got inside last night via doggy door
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
